I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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