why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize