we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
