did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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