you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
