I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
