When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
