I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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