I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize