he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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