im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
