do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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