so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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