You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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