Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Someone came in the potted fern
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
