You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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