He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
