just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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