It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
