she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
