So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
NoShamevember. You game?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
