if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
