"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
