someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
