I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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