We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize