John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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