Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
