i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His nipple licking is glorious
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