Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
