Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
