i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
