oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
