u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
