ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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