so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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