no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
