You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
