At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
