So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
