oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you traded sex for a burrito?
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After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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