He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
