Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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