Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
