During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude