yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
