Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
