I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
