They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
