I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
wow bdsm is so cute
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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