It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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