I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
