Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
