I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
