You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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