i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
