oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
