now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
