pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
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I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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