I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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