If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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