The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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