I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
