I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
