I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
