I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
