I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
