I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
