hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
