so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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